Monday, January 9, 2012

My first bi-curious experience

Ah. Yes. A little history lesson about yours truly :3

Imagine a little freshman, fresh out of a catholic middle school where he had been exposed to no more than 40 other human beings at a time, entering a high school  of 3500 for the first time. Imagine that little freshman walking into a men's chorus class preparing for his first nerve wracking day. Imagine just how much that little boy who grew up wished he knew so much more.

That was me. Some o, idk. 9 and a half years ago. 13 years old, no idea what to expect. Sitting in a chorus room with 10 other guys. At first, I was able to get along being the quiet Asian. But of course, one does not stay quiet forever. And I eventually opened up to talking and making friends with everyone. One of the guys I met was a guy named Edward *name has been changed for identity purposes*. He was super kind and we developed a close friendship in a matter of weeks.

Over the next few months we were always hanging out, singing in chorus, and doing things that good friends do. I truly enjoyed having him as a friend and what happened next is something that to this day I continue to regret.

One December afternoon, lunch came. I was coming in from one side of the cafeteria when I saw Edward coming in from the other side. I gave him a nice big wave and ran over to give him a high five. Edward also put his hand up acting like he was gonna high five me. And when I got close I moved my hand to get his. And missed. Next thing I know, his hand comes to my neck and he pulls me in. Instinctively I brought my raised hand down together with my other hand and pushed at his chest.

The memory blurs after that. All I know is that soon after, Edward moved away to NY. When I inquired about it from his friends, they said he had felt rejected by me. One such conversation went like this with one of his and mine mutual friend.

*once again, names changed to protect identities*

"Aaron, why did Edward leave?"
"James. You don't know?"
"Of course not."
"Dude you like totally broke his heart."
"James, he was flirting with you for like 6 months."
"James... did you seriously not realize he was flirting with you for that long?"

Its crazy how much my life would be different if I hadn't pushed him away. And to this day, I truly wish I hadn't.

1 comment:

  1. Aww! That's pretty sad :( but to be fair, some people are just not good with registering flirt signals!

    Oh yeah. Totally cool blog by the way :) going to follow you~